What You're Missing Out On the History of Geometry

This section in the Alex Lin's Lore of The World was invented by me. Obviously.
I will give you a fun, history lesson on one of the most hidden pieces of our past.
Introducing...
THE LINE PEOPLE!
"I told you this ornament came from the border of Mongolia!"
Giselle and I were in Shanghai, waiting for someone to pick us up after we got back from Taiwan. I wanted to prove that it was just another thing made in a factory in CHINA.
"Well I have proof!" I said, after a long, pointless argument. "Do you see these... these LINES etched on the bottom of this ornament? (There were these weird lines engraved on the bottom. The ornament was an Asian tent, whatever they're called).
"Yeah."
"This is the language of the... the... LINE PEOPLE, known as the, er, LINE LANGUAGE!"
(Confused look on Giselle's face)
"See, I'm an EXPERT at line language! Here, let me read it to you," I said. See, the thing is that these were just a bunch of lines intersecting each other at random points. The lines kind of look like this (except they weren't black, just etched into the bottom of white)

"THIS ORNAMENT CAME FROM A FACTORY IN CHINA," I read to her.
"Line people?'
"Well, yeah, line people! You haven't heard of them?"
"No."
"Okay. So, the line people was a tribe of... people who lived long ago! It was said that they were the ones who invented lines and applied them for their own communication. Experts... could like... glance at a bunch of lines intersecting each other and translate it out loud and stuff."
"Why were they really called the line people?"
"Well... because they, MOVED like lines! They could only move three ways: vertically, horizontally, and diagonally. Yeah!"
"Fine!" Giselle liked, stared at the lines on the bottom again and looked at it. "I can read Line language too! THIS ORNAMENT CAME FROM THE BORDER OF MONGOLIA."
"No, no, no!" I said quickly. "You're reading this wrong! You're reading this is SQUIGGLE language!"
"Squiggle?"
"Yes! See, in the tribe of the Line people, some people started... squiggling... and... the leader, um EXILED them from the tribe! And they formed their own group called the Squiggle people and made their own language, based on line language. So you could easily read a bunch of actual lines out loud in Squiggle language. That is a common mistake for beginners of the Line language!"
"Are they enemies?"
"Why, of course! Since then, the Line and Squiggle people have been mortal enemies! They fight in a big battlefield in a showdown of line and squiggle movement! There's always blood and victory and cupcakes!"

Which side do you choose? Will you side with the Line people, or squiggle over to the Squiggle people? The choice is yours to make!
(If necessary, I'll make some fanfics about this).

UPDATE: Alex's Lore of the World is now changed to The Alex Lin Wiki: Lore of the World :)

The App I HAVEN'T Seen (not yet, anyways)

This year, flipping through my TIME magazine in the invention issue, oohing and ahhing at awesome inventions like the edible campfire, or that robotic hummingbird.
Sadly, most of these new inventions, especially Internet-related ones, are following the simple things that just amaze us, what we want to see, like edible campfires and hummingbirds.
But I haven't seen ONE application that really differ from today's trademarks. Google and Facebook are on competition as Google racks up Google +. Although very inventive, its quite obvious that its trying to act better than Facebook.
You know, one of these days, they should make something TOTALLY different and amazing at the same time, something I haven't seen, like....

THE POM ASSISTANT!!!


Oh my gosh, that would be like, the best invention ever!
The Pom assistant would be a little cute gnome with a white beard that looks like this, I guess:

Except without that pedometer thingy on it. 

Anyways, you would slip in the disk in to install it, and then its LITTLE CUTE FACE pops up! 

Then, you could CUSTOMIZE the Pom once you go through all that legal stuff. There would be many different types:

RED POM

BLUE POM

YELLOW POM

BLOOD POM

SHARK LLAMA POM

BLACK POM

CRAZY POM

GREEN POM

ORANGE POM

Then, with your new Pom all setup up, you can start using him!

He will stubbornly refuse to do whatever you say (i.e. Put this file in the trash because its annoying) unless you click him a bunch of times. Do this before you start to threaten him (Okay, I'll put YOUR file in the trash because YOU'RE annoying). He will roll around in pain and subject to your will. 

The Pom assistant is perfect for defending your computer against viruses!

You: (input command) Pom, I want you to defend my computers against viruses.

Pom: Will do, admin!

(an hour later)

You: POM! MY ENTIRE HARD DRIVE'S BEEN WIPED OUT!!!

Pom: Oh... I guess I didn't see that.

He will help you complete word documents! 

You: Pom, how do I spell "sorry"?

Pom: Let's see, its S-O-R-Y. 

You: Okay, thanks! 

The Pom will just be hanging around your computer, in corners, or probably in front of your entire window, enlarged:

You: Pom, get out of the way!

He memorizes TWO PASSWORDS for you on you're computer! 

The Pom is also a very great copy and paste tool! 

You: Copy this very long link, Pom! 

Pom: ERROR. It's too long for me!

You: Okay fine, how about this link?

Pom: ERROR. Too long for me!

You: GRRRR

And the Pom will assist you with MUCH MUCH MORE! 

But, I guess then you would have put the Pom in the trash.

But, I guess you didn't, because the Pom has a really long animation of dying that it crashed you're computer, all while pleading you not to be deleted:

You: Pom, I AM DELETING YOU, AND YOU ARE MAKING MY COMPUTER LAG LIKE HECK!

Pom: Don't KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

(CRASH) 

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It would be a nice invention, anyways...