Have you heard of insomnia? I think I have it. A very mild condition of it, anyways.
There are very explicit reasons WHY I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT. I mean, I have a regular bedtime schedule (sort of). I walk my dog every day. So why can't I sleep?
See, when people say, "Oh, just review your day. It will help you sleep!" That just doesn't work. When I think too much at night, it spirals off into an invicible force that won't let me sleep because I keep thinking.
Hmm, yeah, what did I do this morning? I remember, running up a hill and yelling at my sister, and kind of kicking her, because she left without me. In school, my lunchbox was thrown in the trash...
It just doesn't work.
And when I spiral off to thinking into the wee hours of the night (or early morning, in that matter), birds start TWEETING.
I absolutely cannot sleep with birds tweeting!
Early in my life, I've associated bird tweets with morning. And I always freak out when it becomes morning and I'm losing sleep. Because when I try to sleep, I force myself to look at the glowing red digital clock beside me. Watching that clock turn from 12 o' clock to 3 in the morning causes me to scream in frustration.
That is why, in trying to sleep, is going to sleep before 1 in the morning, because that's when the birds tweet.
There are like, millions of treatments for going to sleep besides those pills, which literally knock you unconscious. The most common ones don't work for me:
Counting Sheep
Me: One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four... AARRRGGG CRAP I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP! One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four... I AM NOT SLEEPING HERE!
Warm Milk
Me: This milk tastes good...
(goes to bed)
Me: I need milk when I'm in bed! I can't taste it anymore! It's been ten minutes since I drank milk and I'm NOT SLEEPING!
Warm Bath
Me: This bath is amazing... its like a little cloud in the sky...
(goes to sleep, almost drowns)
Me: GLUG GLUG GLUG! I almost drowned! Think I swallowed some water...
(back in bed)
Me: Hello, this bed is not a comfortable warm bath!
Scented Eye Pads
Me: Eyepads! Awesome!
(lays down in bed)
Me: This smell of like, chickpeas, is overwhelming! I cannot sleep with this!
Meditation
Me: (sitting very quietly) Focus, focus, concentrate on nothing!
(focus on trying to get to sleep)
Me: This isn't working!
And much more. I cannot tell you how many times my parents had to buy and return items for me because I tried it, and they just didn't work. I'm just different, and I'll have to keep searching the Internet for my cure, because really, my parents are tired of my pleads for sleep.
There are very explicit reasons WHY I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT. I mean, I have a regular bedtime schedule (sort of). I walk my dog every day. So why can't I sleep?
See, when people say, "Oh, just review your day. It will help you sleep!" That just doesn't work. When I think too much at night, it spirals off into an invicible force that won't let me sleep because I keep thinking.
Hmm, yeah, what did I do this morning? I remember, running up a hill and yelling at my sister, and kind of kicking her, because she left without me. In school, my lunchbox was thrown in the trash...
It just doesn't work.
And when I spiral off to thinking into the wee hours of the night (or early morning, in that matter), birds start TWEETING.
I absolutely cannot sleep with birds tweeting!
Early in my life, I've associated bird tweets with morning. And I always freak out when it becomes morning and I'm losing sleep. Because when I try to sleep, I force myself to look at the glowing red digital clock beside me. Watching that clock turn from 12 o' clock to 3 in the morning causes me to scream in frustration.
That is why, in trying to sleep, is going to sleep before 1 in the morning, because that's when the birds tweet.
There are like, millions of treatments for going to sleep besides those pills, which literally knock you unconscious. The most common ones don't work for me:
Counting Sheep
Me: One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four... AARRRGGG CRAP I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP! One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four... I AM NOT SLEEPING HERE!
Warm Milk
Me: This milk tastes good...
(goes to bed)
Me: I need milk when I'm in bed! I can't taste it anymore! It's been ten minutes since I drank milk and I'm NOT SLEEPING!
Warm Bath
Me: This bath is amazing... its like a little cloud in the sky...
(goes to sleep, almost drowns)
Me: GLUG GLUG GLUG! I almost drowned! Think I swallowed some water...
(back in bed)
Me: Hello, this bed is not a comfortable warm bath!
Scented Eye Pads
Me: Eyepads! Awesome!
(lays down in bed)
Me: This smell of like, chickpeas, is overwhelming! I cannot sleep with this!
Meditation
Me: (sitting very quietly) Focus, focus, concentrate on nothing!
(focus on trying to get to sleep)
Me: This isn't working!
And much more. I cannot tell you how many times my parents had to buy and return items for me because I tried it, and they just didn't work. I'm just different, and I'll have to keep searching the Internet for my cure, because really, my parents are tired of my pleads for sleep.
Hahahahaha
ReplyDeleteFunniest post ever
Yeah...
ReplyDeleteWow. Have you gotten diagnosed or something?
Ah, I tried aloe juice. You know, the stuff straight from the leaf...
ReplyDelete